I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm bleeding and have questions
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
