Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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