i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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