I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
