wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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