I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
