meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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