my being single is dangerous.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm at about main and main street
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
