How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
