Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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