He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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