Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
