just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
