Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
one might say we're banned from that church
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize