still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
