I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
