dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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