I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
