i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
