her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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