It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
