is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
