she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
