he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
