I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
