He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
