Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
