neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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