it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
