all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
