PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
