Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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