No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
