Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
