We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize