Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
