She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
