Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
