I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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