So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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