I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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