8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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