Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
