After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
