I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
