tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
