i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize