Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
