She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
