but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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