everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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