this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
