I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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