I haven't been this sober since birth.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
