I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
