I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
