I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
