I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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