Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
