hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
