I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
