I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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