awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
