you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
