hotel room ftw
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
