We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
