If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
