I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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