Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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