What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
